- Tuesday, January 18, 2005 @ 3:10:00 PM
Actually feels kinda low and down these few days.. had the feeling that God was like keep putting thingy into my life and making it very difficult for me to live. Too many obstacles to over come like that. Than, the timely arrival of the story of the tea cup from wan ting's blog strike me that actually God deliberly allow these thingys to happen in your life for the very one perpose; mould u into something better. But we just can't see flawless reward that God intend to give and keep blaming him, and to that very day when we reflect and enjoy the great life he gave, we forget him. This is what happens to me all the time and reflecting really feels that i own Him too much. Way too much... Wanted to cry out when realise that how much He had done for me, and the way that He's always there for me when i need him and He graciously gaurding me and forgiving me of my foolishness in making use of Him. That story actually did go the way how i felt and go through (not the final product stage), i feel very left out with no friends and often time i see alot of clicks around me, but why am i the only one here? Times i felt jealous and envy about the telents other has but not me. Why i suffer tummy ache for like one week and people are talking about healing grace and miricles within one day. WHY NOT ME!!!!!???? Questions arise within me and there's even times i feel i better end everything.. time i rather forget about God.. time i just die off. Serious! But everytime in the lowest point of my life, i feel the joy filling me again. The joy that flows suddenly into my heart, even the fact the situation didn't change at all~!! Ironically, with just simple moment, i felt that there's no need to have desire and even wanting to made my presence known. Just like many in the bible, they can actually be stoned yet smiling and looking up into heaven. Paul; singing and praising God in times he gets fock, banish in jail hanging mid-air supporting by chains to his wist. Amazing, i found the same joy that these people have and experience!!
Alot of encourgment have been made. Thanks to Ben "neow", simply that simple noon with a small chat at your house, u open my eyes on what is actually "walking right with God". Walking right with God is not by attending church, reading bible, pray every night, give thanks to everything in your hands and thinking about God. It's actually the joy when reading His words, the egarness to see Him and read his words. The thanks-giving and praise when entering His church, the willingness and earnest to sit down everytime you are free at His feets during quiet time and remembering of others when u pray and not yourself only. I would dare to confess that the above mentioned statement, not all i fufill. Encourgment from church people about life and even there's a time where i had a quarrel with fiona(my class mate) a e-mail about tolerating and forgiving someone actually came fomr a non-christain to me!! I believe that is not something of a big deal. Than, there's even time i have verses in my mind and one of it is "If there is a will, God will provide the way", and it's true enough. One hot evening i was at sentosa, i was desprate for some ice-cream. As i was rushing to the musical fountain and i dun wan to lose out to the people who are occupying the center seats, i was in a fix. Should i walk down to the other end for some ice-cold ice cream or should i just sit down and watch first. As i walk in, i saw a ICE CREAM STALL!!!!! Not big one, very very small one. Than there's a paticular hot brand of of wall's ice cream i want and i was like standing behind a big crowd. Than when its finally my turn, the whole thing was sold out. Shit man.. than to my surprise, the ice cream guy took out a box form below and pour out the same flavour i want. Fresh!! Amazing enought? Although i still miss out the center seat, still i feel very bless. The very same time when u feel down, always remind yourself that there's three words the Lord wants u to know. "I AM HERE" hahaz.. kinda long for me sia.. but still.. i believe thats more to come. ;) cheers~!!
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