Hey! It's been very long since I last updated this page regarding the many things of my life. Guess the hectic week on F1 had not given up on me as I continue to face alot more other stuff from planning to normal routine on job.
(sidenote: So much I wanted to write what was on my mind, somehow the ideas just sip through and goes missing.)
Well... today is my second day on MC and I thought I'm feeling much better right now. (Thanks to the people whom are quite concerned.. Should there be any) The conclusion from doc was that I've suffered food poisoning leading to gastric juice discharge. (or the other way round)
Had quite some bad feeling on Sunday itself after dinner when my stomach was churning very badly and was bloating quite badly. There wasn't any diarrhea but there was this constant spell leading to vomiting. Atleast it was not that much of a wost-case scenario after all.

But having these 2 days resting at home, somehow alot of things did went though my mind and I started having really quiet moment to re-evaluate where I'm standing and where I was heading to. Very much a time I find myself taking that extra mile for no reason, having to say I'm taking a redundant path that eventually leads to the original path.
Very much of the time I also hang on to things that wasn't suppose to mean. Like for example, I worry too much thinking that my friends are not valuing me anymore where the fact lies in my hectic workload in NS added to my un-usual book-ing out timing. Really shouldn't had mmade such a fuss on it.
Alot of time mental load was stressed out and the threshold's max out. Alot of it really comes from useless issues chosen and added into.
A sentence hits me on that Sunday night when a pack of us were heading to a nearby food centre, I had to bid goodbye when that person replied.

"Sorry. Guess I couldn't go on with the plan we made earlier." I said.
"why"
"not feeling so good."
"emotionally?"

What had lead to that question?
To be frank, I dabbled with that issue for quite sometime and still yet couldn't get an answer out of it. Though quite some times the answer was really "It's fine!", yet there were moments it became otherwise.
the fact is I don't know how to handle the truth anymore. There was times I wish there was some sort of safety net to stay afloat when it really was a truth hard to handle, were also times if it would be better just letting go and plunge. Least wouldn't it be better to crush and burn then to just endure it like a smoldering butt that goes a long way?