I had felt it some while moments not long ago and dismissed them as wavering thoughts and conveniently stockpiled them at the back of my mind.
Present, as you're reading this I've might be thinking over and over again what was to be done and what must be done.

It all spark off as an entry to Curtin Uni (Congrats Jono! Anyway...) as joyously presenting to me. I'm glad of course, after so much faith stretching exercises and tremendously great assurance in God's will for you. It's no one elses fault, definitely not you; guess it's just me for I was hunted by the factuality of the matter once again from the archive yard to my conscious present state.
I'm utterly lost... worried... afraid... ... and some what frustrated.
Frustrated I didn't put up a better fight and wasted 2 years in vanity.
Lost for I did not know the next step to better my journey in life.
Worried till the point of desperation and denying every single logical bits of pieces to reveal what was suppose to be.
Afraid. "For thy is your kingdom" pitting against the kingdom I want.

For I muster enough courage despite speculations from my own belief I'm on disadvantage to want to know the plan He has for me. Yet I cannot bring myself to "surrender" all hope and desire in Him, resistance to accept peace and brings myself into an endless fight... seemingly beating the air (for I know He is way greater than myself)
I want to know what was the plan.. or were the plans; for selfishness crept greediness. Wanting to place myself in a position to choose. Needless knowing the important to humble one self but stubborn to submit. Knowing that if the plan/ plans are to be reveal submission is definite, wanting to be able to hold it and made endless "appeals" till things goes my way.

It's not right
A voice whisper "peace shall bestow on you"...
It's issn't going to be bad.
But refuse to relent.
How hard it could gets.